I’m a Christian, I’m not Evil, I Suffer from Depression, a Mental Illness

Today I woke up to the news: Rick Warren’s Son Takes Own Life After Lifelong Battle With Mental Illness. I was saddened and moved for the family. Churches try their best to help people in dire straits, but tragedy strikes in spite still.

Mental illness is not an excuse, its not just an issue. It affects too many people, and the answers aren’t in pills, nor just the notion to “change” because it is a choice. Sometimes I can’t help myself when it all just gets dark in my thoughts.

As a believer, I love the word of God. Knowing that someone who was mentored by a loving parent, who happens to be pastor of a mega-church can still fall into the trials of depression comforts me for some reason.

He knew God, he was used by God to reach others and was very loved yet, mental illness and depression took over.

In all that, I still feel hope when I have one of  those dark days.

I appreciate that I have family that will love me through the distance, leaving me alone when I need space, but also stand on the outskirts checking in on me when necessary. And I’m sure Mr. Warren’s son had the same love and support. But what alarms me is that death still took him in the end. Oh, I know that he is a brother in Christ, and that he went home to be with Jesus, and the pain for him has now ended.

Each day I live with the depression, I cling on to God’s purposes for my life. I know God still loves me.  I pray that no one around me tires and loses hope, because the depression can be so deceiving I lose sight and still despair. It may be one of those little moments that could overtake the purpose. So I force myself to do things like:

  • wake up
  • exercise
  • bathe
  • brush my teeth
  • smile

. . .even the little things can still be hard. How was your day?