It is odd to sit still in quiet, a luxury to reflect on the recent events of the weekend, and blogging allows me that peace of mind and relaxation.
As mentioned in a previous post, I have anger issues. I say it in jest, but it really is a problem for a lot of people, and it makes me unhappy and depressed. I went back to seeing a therapist last week. Several years ago, I had a little crisis and saw a crisis counselor, who walked with me through an ordeal but once that was cleared, I never continued with therapy, thinking I had it all together.
Well, as unresolved issues resurfaced, issues take on another role and creep up into my life from time to time – same anger, same issues, same bottled up feelings, screaming for change.
I know I need to change, and I’ve got to do something about it, so I decided to go back to a therapist. My new therapist, a new bff?
It is somewhat humorous to think that I can spill my innermost feelings to a complete stranger. Why can’t I talk with close friends like that?
Maybe I just don’t want to hear what those closest to me have to say about my life. Most pointedly, however, is I don’t appreciate others telling me how to change, make improvements, judging me, when I know they have issues themselves that they need to work on too. So where do they get away with telling me what to do when they can’t fix themselves either?
We all cry out for help, we want to be heard, without judgement.
A therapist provides just that – someone who gets paid to listen to me speak about myself, and offer advice, that I can take or leave. The bottom line is that I pay for a service, and it is an investment in myself.
I’ve read somewhere that the subject of psychology is the study of our favorite subject, the self.
In The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. it states, “If we do not learn to use our anger first to clarify our own thoughts, feelings, priorities and choices, we can easily get trapped in endless cycles of fighting and blaming that go nowhere. Managing anger effectively goes hand in hand with developing a clearer ‘I’ and becoming a better expert on the self” (12).
As I learn to slow down, and work on myself, I’ll learn better how to deal with others I find myself getting angry with. In my first therapy session, my new BFF suggested this book I am now reading, like a homework assignment before my next session.
This therapist relationship, I know is temporary. People come and go, and we learn to adjust with who and what we have and have not in life.